So here I am, sitting on the couch upstairs, alone while watching Dexter. (I have been forbidden to attempt the 18 step descension into the basement, where I live, until at least tomorrow.) I’m thirsty but keep putting off having to get up and get something to drink because I hate these damn crutches. I finally give him and hop my way into the kitchen and then realize I forgot my glass on the end table. I get another glass and then, after a few complications, manage to pour myself something to drink without spilling it.
That’s when it hits me. How the fuck am I going to get my glass back into the living room with me? My hands/arms are all tied up with the damn crutches! I tried to grip the top of the glass with my neck but trust me, that DID NOT work. By this point, my left leg is getting tired so I chug the drink, use my crutch to flip the light off, and hobble back into the living room before collapsing on the couch.
Guess what happens next?
I have to pee.
(joking… but really. Can’t I catch a break?!)